A New Year, A New Vow

In many ways 2010 was an amazing and incredible year. Lucy and Claire turned 2, Drake was born, Jason and I both turned 30, we had our 4th wedding anniversary and overall we have had good health. However, 2010 has brought many new challenges into my life.

The most important thing in my life are my children...I love them heart and soul...I breath and function for them. Even with this internal commitment I've had many personal failures as a mother. It started when I was pregnant with Drake I was really not able to "play" with the girls like I always had. I started getting very short tempered with them because of lack of patience's and a big belly. Once Drake was born the family dynamic (obviously) changed. But looking back I was distanced even further from Lucy and Claire because of the constant demands of a breastfeeding baby. I add the breastfeeding intentionally because if he were bottle fed a lot of this could have been avoided. Anyway, the first 6 weeks with Drake were a total overload for all of us. I hardly had anytime for my precious girls who were previously the center of my universe. This caused a lot of heartache (mine mostly) and bad behavior (mine mostly as well)...the girls really started acting out and just became a complete challenge for me on every level and since I stay at home it consumed me. Everyday was a battle and I longed for nap time, bed time and for Jason to be home. I found any excuse to get out of the house and was in general stressed. I know in my heart of hearts that a lot of what I experienced happens to every family with an addition of a child but for me it's been earth shattering.

Ok...here is where the good news starts. With the help of a few dear friends, my sister and of course my mother, my family has been out of that yucky negative haze for a while but this New Year will always be a reminder for me to never forget what I have been given. I find myself thanking God daily for all of the blessings in my life. I thank him for the good AND bad times with my three little monkeys...some days may not be easy but I would not change a single thing in my life...period! My new vow is to hug my beautiful daughters every second of every day and tell them how much I love them. Play with them more, wrestle, tickle and just have fun like we used to.

I vow to let Lucy come to bed at 6:30am and snuggle with me and to not get upset when she repeatedly asks"to go to the living room now" even if I just got to bed from nursing the baby...I love that she is an early riser because (when not nursing a baby) I LOVE the morning...it's my favorite time of the day. I love getting up early and I have a feeling Lucy and I will share many mornings together, just the two of us and I never want to take that for granted because of a lousy 30mins of extra sleep.

I vow to keep Claire's hands and mind busy and not get completely frustrated when she does not focus and constantly drops her fork, spoon, drink food etc at the dinner table. This girl has an enormous amount of energy and she typically resides in her own atmosphere and yes in general has a hard time focusing on any one task. When she is playing she's already thinking of her next move...I think the hardest thing about this is she is JUST like me...she cannot sit still, is constantly making noise and is always always busy...REST child! I vow to love her for all of these annoying things because it also allows me to love myself and my imperfections!

That is a major...have I completely forgotten that I'm far from perfect and fail in so many areas on so many levels...why did I expect so much from my 2 1/2 year olds. I vow to let them be children (with a lot of guidance).

I vow to remember that these times are fleeting and my little babies will be grown and gone in a blink of an eye.
I vow to tell my family how much I love and appreciate them ALL.
I vow to be more organized.
I vow to be more committed to Christ.

Here is to a more committed 2011...CHEERS!!